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I don’t know. I have done this a hundred times. I have said the same things, gone on the same dates, picked out the same flowers, had the same fights, bought the same chocolates, had the same make up sex, bought the same CD’s, Danced to the same music… So why does this not hurt? I broke up with her, and I don’t feel bad. She was everything everyone else was. But she different for this one reason, I don’t care that she’s gone, I don’t miss her smell. Her flavor of coffee her goodnight kisses her stupid walk that made her look like a penguin her knobby knees, her British accent her teeth her hair. Nothing, why?

Why don’t I miss her?

Im gonna fight for you!

I gonna fight for you. You might not want me to but im gonna anyway. Im going to try to be there to eat breakfast with you. And i gonna watch you stuff your pretty face with blueberry muffin and ice tea. And i'm gonna be there to catch you when you trip over the curb outside near the trashcans like you do every time you're  talking with someone. Im going to fight for you like your the last chili-dog at my family cookouts. And you know why Jessie, Because i want to be with you. Yes, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. OK now tell me honestly, Was that too stalker-ish? I feel like this could sound too much like an "im watching you at night through your windows" kinda deal, and be honest because im planning on telling her right before she heads to health class and if shes gonna pass out i dont want them to practice there CPR or whatever on her, those lips are mine!

Christmas was meant for more...

Christmas isn't what it should be anymore. People try to buy the biggest most expensive gifts blah blah blah... thats what everyone says these day's, how Christmas is ruined by the gifts we buy each other. what they usually leave out is what people aren't doing anymore. people aren't trying to show goodwill toward men, people aren't spending time together thanking God for what a blessing it is that they be together on this day, most importantly people are not remembering that this 'holiday' is actually a day to remember the sacrifice that was made for the Christian faith. we could use a little more of that these days. Jesus Christ came, died, and rose from the dead and instead of taking a day to remember his death we spend a month planning the most wonderful party of the year to spend with the people we hold dear. "For Christ the lord our savior was born upon this day, to save us all from Satan's power when we were gone astray"  It seems as though we've gone astray today in thinking that we can change one of the most important days of the year into our personal collection plates. Show some respect this holiday, spread the love of Christ to your family and to those around you in need of a very happy 'Christ'mas.

A Little Peace for Christmas

Santa, if your out there... give the world some peace this Christmas not just the peace people talk about and forget later, the real kinda peace you get when you see the snow fall; Or the peace you get when you see half the cookies gone, or find that one gift you know you wanted more than anything sitting under the tree. The kind that warms your heart from the inside out and makes you feel all tingly. I know its alot to ask Santa because your already doing so much for the world already what with spreading joy and goodwill to everyone, just try to be sure to spread a little peace too. You can do anything Santa, im counting on you. oh, and by the way my brother wasn't very good this year but he at least deserves one present... give him a dolly, that'll teach him. 

Is there any other way?

Give me the words
tell me what to say
i dont know how to tell you
thats its been over for days
its creeping up inside me
like a backwards waterfall
filling all my veins
with the thought that i might fall
back in love with you
because i miss the way that felt.

Whats this the distance between

is it real or just another scene of

what we really are and what we used to be 

has it always been like this is there any other way than to say

goodbye

i miss the love you showed
in some distant memory
long forgotten past
was it the passing of a dream
you and
me.
i am left alone,
crowded places feel like home,
as i slip by unnoticed
putting pieces back into this
shattered hole where my heart last stood.

Whats this the distance between

is it real or just another scene of

what we really are and what we used to be 

has it always been like this is there any other way than to say

goodbye

goodbye to all we were
something special now in slumber
the real feeling lay under
fighting to wake up
to make sense of all this
crazed
imagined
emotion
fake
love
love

Whats this the distance between

is it real or just another scene of

what we really are and what we used to be 

has it always been like this is there any other way than to say

goodbye

Whats this the distance between

is it real or just another scene of

what we really are and what we used to be 

has it always been like this is there any other way than to say

goodbye

Him Monologue

(Almost desperate) I cant get away from him. From Him.I cant get away from his voice, from his thoughts, from his slow maniacal breathing. Please help me. He sits inside me waiting, just waiting. He says only a phrase or two. nothing to arise suspicion, nothing to give doubt, but i KNOW hes in there. He says things, and does things, that i cant control. And he comes at the times when im at my weakest. He waits, Just waits, Waits. He's listening now. he hears these thoughts and still he waits. He gets stronger with every word because the doubt is growing, the fear is growing. I am losing control. I feel his breath more and more on the back of my neck. Cold. Wait.(Calm) Its not there anymore. I cant feel him there. Its as if a weight is gone. I dont need anyone now. i just want to be alone (slowly) Nothing is wrong. (Sighs slowly, Cold, He has taken over) I can be alone, and really be alone. I can do anything, (laughing slowly) with no-one to slow me down...(Exit)

Meaning. Monologue

Havent written in a while, in fact im not doing alot of things lately. im not thinking before speaking, not taking care to make sure others arent hurt by my actions. not really caring whether or not im heard not even trying to be heard really. Ive found a niche i can be comfortable in: the invisible community. those who have no purpose other than to be filler in the world. the ones people forget to see. the ones never lifting their voice above a whisper. People who walk with their heads down on the sidewalk and never quarrel over the trivial things or the big things in life. The ones who dont exist other than to themselves. Thats where ill stay, safe and out of the way. Because i dont really mean that much to other people do i?